as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
