Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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