i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
