your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
