i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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