My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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