You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
