WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
