It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
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