i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
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He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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