Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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