I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
