Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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