listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
