I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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