can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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