explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
