apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
