A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize