cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
