do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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