I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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