I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
please come you make the beer taste better
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
