taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
