fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
