Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
