Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
