WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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