The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
