he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
