I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
