His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
