I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
