On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
