New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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