We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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