I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
