im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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