Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
