Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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