i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
