so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
