He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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