Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.