But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life