Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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