this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.