yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.