Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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