ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I love having hate sex.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
