He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
