Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Randomize
