It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
