Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
