New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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