I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
