What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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