Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
