Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
