Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
