So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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