Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
When did we convert life to cartoon?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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