too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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