he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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