im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Couch. On fire.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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