He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
