new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
is it fun? or sober?
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