I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
