Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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