just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
