I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I looked at my own cervix.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
