i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
