Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
